[G]od [O]nly [L]oves [F]ools

THE VALLEYWOODS CUP
Established 2006

The Valleywoods Cup was created this summer, and named after a twisty, hilly little street called Valleywoods Road in Toronto that we’ve all either live or spent a lot of time on. In the spirit of competition and good humour, we decided to commission a trophy ['commission' being used here in place of 'bought' in order to foolishly try to give the Cup some respectability] to award to the golfer in the group who’s score had improved the most from the week previous. Amir came up with the idea that each weekly winner would take the Cup home and be allowed to personalize it in any way they saw fit. We also decided that the details of the game played could change each week, as was decided by the previous week’s champion and agreed to by the rest of the foursome. And so, the Valleywoods Cup was thus commissioned on July 31st at North York Trophies for $91. It stands roughly 16″ high, and the golf club the golfer held on top was perilously placed, having been broken by me on the day of purchase. Not coinicidentally, my email address is bigclumsy@gmail.com.

The first round of the Valleywoods Cup [the round that would determine the score each man had to better the following week] was played on Sunday July 30th at the Valley Course of Remington Parkview Golf and Country Club in Markham, Ontario. All four of us were in attendance. Rahmani won the round with a personal-best 82; Croucher finished second with an 84, and Davis and Wood tied at 100. The second round of the first-ever Valleywoods Cup [the round that would determine the winner based on the scores of the week previous] was therefore also played on the Valley Course at Parkview, and took place on Sunday August 6th. Rahmani improved his score by 2 by hitting an 80; Croucher hit an 87; Davis improved his score by 3 with a 97; and I won the Cup by improving my score by 10 after hitting a 90. Amir presented me with the Cup with what would become the ceremonial words for each winner: “Well, here you go, fuckface!” Truly, it was a magical moment.

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CUP RULES

1. This trophy is to pass between Amir, Dennis, Kevin and Tim. Anyone else who becomes eligible has to be accepted by all four unanimously. No majorities, bitches.

2. Any and all rules must be agreed to by the majority of the foursome. No unanimous votes, bitches.

3. The golfer winning the Valleywoods Cup gets to determine the game played the following week. That game must be accepted by all the other guys playing at that week.

4. The defending Cup champion may defend the Cup against any or all members of the foursome as their availability permits. What does a guy who’s not playing that week care who has it, right?

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CUP CHAMPIONS

1 – WOOD, August 6th, 2006, Remington Parkview Valley Course. GAME: Most Improved From Previous Week. Croucher [84/87], Davis [100/97], Rahmani [82/80], Wood [100/90]. Game chosen by Committee. PERSONALIZATION: ‘90′ sticker, indicating Wood’s lowest all-time score.

2 – RAHMANI, August 20th, 2006, Remington Parkview Upper Course. GAME: Low Score, No Mulligans Permitted, Play Ball Where It Lies. Davis [102], Rahmani [95], Wood [99]. Game chosen by Wood. Croucher was a punk, and played with some clowns from his work instead of us. PERSONALIZATION: The golfer’s club on the trophy was replaced with a tiny Warhammer spear.

3 – CROUCHER, August 27th, 2006, Remington Parkview Valley Course. GAME: Low Score, One Mulligan Per Nine Holes, Must Hole Out. Croucher [ ], Rahmani [ ], Wood [ ]. Inaugural round of the Pink Purse [see Pink Purse]. PERSONALIZATION:

4 – CROUCHER, September 4th, 2006, Seaton Golf Club. GAME: Low Score, One Mulligan Per Round Off The Tee Only. Croucher [92], Davis [97], Rahmani [92], Wood [97]. Rahmani and Croucher tied; Rahmani suggested the champion retain in the event of a tie. Croucher beame the first Cup champion to successfully defend. PERSONALIZATION: